Being a foster parent is in no way easy. It has stretched Joey and me in so many ways, shown us how impatient and selfish we can be, and made us appreciate what we have. It has made me realize how much I take for granted with my own kids and the life that we have. It is a constant reminder to not judge others and to realize that by God's grace only, we are not in a different place.
Our foster son is way behind developmentally, and that has probably been one of the most difficult parts of the adjustment to having him with us. He is the same age as Gus, but that is where the similarities with where the two of them are ends. We have constant therapies, doctor appointments, education appointments, dental appointments. There is so much that needs to be done to get him where he needs to be. The encouraging part of it all is to see the progress he is making. We look back to last August when he came to us and see where he is now, and it is amazing. But the discouragement can still set in at times...after visits with family, when we are in the midst of the red tape of the system, when we are trying to get someone to advocate for him and we feel like we are the only ones who are. It is a road with many ups and downs.
However, we have no doubt that this is the road we are supposed to be on. Foster parents are so needed. There are so many children out there who need a home and people to love them when their own families can't, whether it's temporarily or permanently. For us, we know we will have our foster son for a time, but he will eventually leave us. We are doing what we can for him while we have him, and the rest we give to God and trust that He has him. It's easy to worry about the "what ifs" and whether or not our little guy will be able to overcome the obstacles he faces and be able to be successful in life. We have no control over that and will not know what happens to him once he leaves us. That is hard, but we are called to love him and care for him now, and that is what we are trying to do. Sometimes we feel like we are doing a great job and other times we feel like we are failing miserably. Like I said, it is a road of ups and downs.
Gus has had mixed reactions to having a foster brother. Initially, sharing his toys and his room was a difficult thing to get used to, but now he enjoys having someone to play with. Overall, they get along well (and fight like siblings do). We have had many changes in the last 7 months besides our foster son coming to live with us - moving to a new house in October and welcoming our sweet baby Rayf to the family in November are just two of the big changes. So it's hard to tell when Gus is struggling with his circumstances what the root cause actually is. Likely, it is a combination of many factors. Because our foster son has so many needs, he requires a lot of attention. It has been difficult for us to try to provide him with what he needs and still give plenty of attention to Gus and Rayf. We are learning as we go for sure, and Gus is learning with us. There have definitely been "growing pains" involved for us all.
So why do we do it? Why do we plan to keep fostering when it is so hard? I keep coming back to the same answer. It's not about us. It's not about our comfort. It's not about our lives being easy. It's not about our free time (or lack of). It's about our foster son and the many others like him who need to be loved and cared for. It's about our children learning that life is bigger than themselves and their problems. It's about teaching them to love Jesus and love others. It's about us learning that ourselves and living it out day in and day out. We hope that eventually our story will have adoption as a part of it, but whether it does or not, we want to love our foster son and the others that follow the best that we can.