Joey and I headed down the private adoption road in early 2014. We were matched with a birth mom later that year, and we expected to bring our son home in January 2015. However, in late January, we found out that our son's birth mom had delivered him and decided to parent him herself. It was heartbreaking for us to say the least. We thought about starting the private adoption process again, but we decided against it. We then discussed fostering with the hope of adopting. We met with a Miracle Hill representative in March 2015 to ask questions and find out more about the process and requirements. One of the main things he stressed to us at that meeting was that the goal of fostering is to reunite the child with their family if that is at all possible. We looked honestly at where we were, and we decided that we weren't ready to become foster parents. We couldn't say that we would hope that the child that was placed in our home would end up reuniting with their biological family. We would want that child to stay with us forever. So we took some time to grieve the failed adoption and to deal with another difficult situation we were faced with at that time. Later in 2015, Joey and I revisited the idea of fostering. We decided then that we would move forward with the licensing process in 2016 with our hope being that we would eventually be able to adopt. We were willing to have children come and go and wait for children who would come stay because they needed a forever family.
Early this year, we began the licensing process. The same representative from Miracle Hill who had talked with us in 2015 is now our case worker. He walked us through the process. There is a lot that goes into getting licensed to be foster parents...doctor visits, DHEC inspection, fire inspection, education classes, home study, background checks, and more. Overall, it was a very smooth process for us and a positive experience. I would recommend going through Miracle Hill to anyone thinking about being foster parents.
The required education classes were a turning point for me, a beginning of me seeing my heart being changed in this path we were on. The classes are aimed at showing the realities of being a foster parent. We went through a lot of different case studies to look at what issues we might find ourselves encountering with the foster children who come into our home. We learned and discussed ways to deal with the difficult situations and where to go for support. After those two days of classes, I felt more than ever that we should continue down this path. There are so many children in the foster care system who don't have homes to go to when they can't stay in their own. We knew that fostering would not be easy, but we also knew it was what we were supposed to do. I found my desires changing from fostering with the sole purpose of adopting to just fostering with no other reason added to it. Joey and I started seeing fostering being a long term part of our family.
We still hope to eventually adopt children through fostering that need a forever family. However, that is not our reason for doing it now. We hope to have fostering be a part of our lives for a very long time. I hear two comments quite often when I explain that we are foster parents now. The first is that it would be too hard to say goodbye and have to let go of the foster child when they left. The second is concern over what fostering will do to the biological children in the home. I used to have the exact same comments myself, but that has changed since going through this process. In answer to the first comment, I now tell people that it's not about us. We don't foster because it's easy or comfortable or convenient. We foster because we are called to take care of orphans. Jesus never said that following Him would mean my life would be easy or comfortable, but He did promise to be with me through it. So for us, it doesn't matter that it will be hard to say goodbye when that time comes. We want to love our foster children with all that we have for as long as they are in our home. We will grieve their leaving when that time comes.
In answer to the second comment, I tell people that fostering will do great things for our biological children. We are trying to teach our children to love Jesus and love others. What better way to teach them that than to live it out in our home from day to day with children who need a safe place to live and a family to love them? In talking with other families who foster, I haven't had any parent tell me so far that fostering has affected their biological children negatively. They daily get to see children who have far less than they do. They get to make a difference in their foster siblings' lives. They get to love on their foster siblings and learn to care for people outside the circle of their family and close friends. My prayer for Claudia, Gus, and our little guy on the way is that being foster siblings will teach them empathy, compassion, and give them a heart for the less fortunate. I hope that they will grow up realizing that life is not all about them but should be lived out loving and helping others.
We got our first placement three weeks ago today. He is a sweet 3 year old boy. I will call him Smiley for this blog because the nickname suits him...he smiles a lot! I won't say that everything has been happily ever after with Smiley coming into our home. We now have two 3 year old boys in the house so we are adjusting to that. We are finding our new normal and taking it day by day. There have been some exhausting days. We don't know how long we will have Smiley. It's looking like it will be a long time, but we don't know for sure. And that's okay. We do hope that he will eventually get to return to his parents and siblings. For now, he is a Goldsmith, and we will love him as if he was our own for the time he is with us. We hope to be a blessing to him, and I have no doubt that he will bless our lives in ways we can't even imagine. We are thankful for this new path we are on. It's not comfortable or convenient, but I know it is where we are supposed to be.
An 'adoptive parent' is a special kind of person. Not every grown- up can be one!! Congratulations on your success!!
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