7 Months In...

On Friday, we will have had our foster son for 7 months.  What an interesting 7 months it has been!  He is our first placement since becoming licensed as foster parents last year, and it has been a growing experience for us all.  We are reminded daily of the comfort and ease we had before in raising only our own children, and we often think back to how "easy" it was (it's all perspective, isn't it?).  However, we don't regret taking our foster son in, and we don't plan on him being our one and only placement.  When he moves on from our home, we plan to welcome another child or children in. 

Being a foster parent is in no way easy. It has stretched Joey and me in so many ways, shown us how impatient and selfish we can be, and made us appreciate what we have.  It has made me realize how much I take for granted with my own kids and the life that we have.  It is a constant reminder to not judge others and to realize that by God's grace only, we are not in a different place. 

Our foster son is way behind developmentally, and that has probably been one of the most difficult parts of the adjustment to having him with us.  He is the same age as Gus, but that is where the similarities with where the two of them are ends.  We have constant therapies, doctor appointments, education appointments, dental appointments.  There is so much that needs to be done to get him where he needs to be.  The encouraging part of it all is to see the progress he is making.  We look back to last August when he came to us and see where he is now, and it is amazing.  But the discouragement can still set in at times...after visits with family, when we are in the midst of the red tape of the system, when we are trying to get someone to advocate for him and we feel like we are the only ones who are.  It is a road with many ups and downs. 

However, we have no doubt that this is the road we are supposed to be on.  Foster parents are so needed.  There are so many children out there who need a home and people to love them when their own families can't, whether it's temporarily or permanently.  For us, we know we will have our foster son for a time, but he will eventually leave us.  We are doing what we can for him while we have him, and the rest we give to God and trust that He has him.  It's easy to worry about the "what ifs" and whether or not our little guy will be able to overcome the obstacles he faces and be able to be successful in life. We have no control over that and will not know what happens to him once he leaves us.  That is hard, but we are called to love him and care for him now, and that is what we are trying to do.  Sometimes we feel like we are doing a great job and other times we feel like we are failing miserably.  Like I said, it is a road of ups and downs.

 

Gus has had mixed reactions to having a foster brother.  Initially, sharing his toys and his room was a difficult thing to get used to, but now he enjoys having someone to play with.  Overall, they get along well (and fight like siblings do).  We have had many changes in the last 7 months  besides our foster son coming to live with us - moving to a new house in October and welcoming our sweet baby Rayf to the family in November are just two of the big changes.  So it's hard to tell when Gus is struggling with his circumstances what the root cause actually is.  Likely, it is a combination of many factors.  Because our foster son has so many needs, he requires a lot of attention.  It has been difficult for us to try to provide him with what he needs and still give plenty of attention to Gus and Rayf.  We are learning as we go for sure, and Gus is learning with us.  There have definitely been "growing pains" involved for us all.   

 

So why do we do it?  Why do we plan to keep fostering when it is so hard?  I keep coming back to the same answer.   It's not about us.  It's not about our comfort.  It's not about our lives being easy.  It's not about our free time (or lack of).  It's about our foster son and the many others like him who need to be loved and cared for.  It's about our children learning that life is bigger than themselves and their problems.  It's about teaching them to love Jesus and love others.  It's about us learning that ourselves and living it out day in and day out.  We hope that eventually our story will have adoption as a part of it, but whether it does or not, we want to love our foster son and the others that follow the best that we can. 

An Unexpected Path

This blog is changing from an adoption journey blog to a foster care journey blog!  It's amazing how God uses circumstances in our lives to lead us to paths we never would have chosen on our own.  Some of the most devastating events in my life have led to wonderful blessings.  I feel like our becoming foster parents is one of those blessings. 

Joey and I headed down the private adoption road in early 2014.  We were matched with a birth mom later that year, and we expected to bring our son home in January 2015.  However, in late January, we found out that our son's birth mom had delivered him and decided to parent him herself.  It was heartbreaking for us to say the least.  We thought about starting the private adoption process again, but we decided against it.  We then discussed fostering with the hope of adopting.  We met with a Miracle Hill representative in March 2015 to ask questions and find out more about the process and requirements.  One of the main things he stressed to us at that meeting was that the goal of fostering is to reunite the child with their family if that is at all possible.  We looked honestly at where we were, and we decided that we weren't ready to become foster parents.  We couldn't say that we would hope that the child that was placed in our home would end up reuniting with their biological family.  We would want that child to stay with us forever.  So we took some time to grieve the failed adoption and to deal with another difficult situation we were faced with at that time.  Later in 2015, Joey and I revisited the idea of fostering.  We decided then that we would move forward with the licensing process in 2016 with our hope being that we would eventually be able to adopt.  We were willing to have children come and go and wait for children who would come stay because they needed a forever family. 

Early this year, we began the licensing process.  The same representative from Miracle Hill who had talked with us in 2015 is now our case worker. He walked us through the process.  There is a lot that goes into getting licensed to be foster parents...doctor visits, DHEC inspection, fire inspection, education classes, home study, background checks, and more.  Overall, it was a very smooth process for us and a positive experience.  I would recommend going through Miracle Hill to anyone thinking about being foster parents. 

The required education classes were a turning point for me, a beginning of me seeing my heart being changed in this path we were on.  The classes are aimed at showing the realities of being a foster parent.  We went through a lot of different case studies to look at what issues we might find ourselves encountering with the foster children who come into our home.  We learned and discussed ways to deal with the difficult situations and where to go for support.  After those two days of classes, I felt more than ever that we should continue down this path.  There are so many children in the foster care system who don't have homes to go to when they can't stay in their own.  We knew that fostering would not be easy, but we also knew it was what we were supposed to do.  I found my desires changing from fostering with the sole purpose of adopting to just fostering with no other reason added to it.  Joey and I started seeing fostering being a long term part of our family. 

We still hope to eventually adopt children through fostering that need a forever family.  However, that is not our reason for doing it now.  We hope to have fostering be a part of our lives for a very long time.  I hear two comments quite often when I explain that we are foster parents now.  The first is that it would be too hard to say goodbye and have to let go of the foster child when they left.  The second is concern over what fostering will do to the  biological children in the home.  I used to have the exact same comments myself, but that has changed since going through this process.  In answer to the first comment, I now tell people that it's not about us.  We don't foster because it's easy or comfortable or convenient.  We foster because we are called to take care of orphans.  Jesus never said that following Him would mean my life would be easy or comfortable, but He did promise to be with me through it.  So for us, it doesn't matter that it will be hard to say goodbye when that time comes.  We want to love our foster children with all that we have for as long as they are in our home.  We will grieve their leaving when that time comes.

In answer to the second comment, I tell people that fostering will do great things for our biological children.  We are trying to teach our children to love Jesus and love others.  What better way to teach them that than to live it out in our home from day to day with children who need a safe place to live and a family to love them?  In talking with other families who foster, I haven't had any parent tell me so far that fostering has affected their biological children negatively.  They daily get to see children who have far less than they do.  They get to make a difference in their foster siblings' lives.  They get to love on their foster siblings and learn to care for people outside the circle of their family and close friends.  My prayer for Claudia, Gus, and our little guy on the way is that being foster siblings will teach them empathy, compassion, and give them a heart for the less fortunate.  I hope that they will grow up realizing that life is not all about them but should be lived out loving and helping others. 

We got our first placement three weeks ago today.  He is a sweet 3 year old boy.  I will call him Smiley for this blog because the nickname suits him...he smiles a lot!  I won't say that everything has been happily ever after with Smiley coming into our home.  We now have two 3 year old boys in the house so we are adjusting to that.   We are finding our new normal and taking it day by day.  There have been some exhausting days.  We don't know how long we will have Smiley.  It's looking like it will be a long time, but we don't know for sure.  And that's okay.  We do hope that he will eventually get to return to his parents and siblings.  For now, he is a Goldsmith, and we will love him as if he was our own for the time he is with us.  We hope to be a blessing to him, and I have no doubt that he will bless our lives in ways we can't even imagine.  We are thankful for this new path we are on.  It's not comfortable or convenient, but I know it is where we are supposed to be.

Moving Forward and New Beginnings

It has been a while since I updated everyone on where we are. 

With the start of 2016 comes the hope of new beginnings.  Last year was so difficult for our family in so many ways.  We found out that we lost our little guy that we thought we would be adopting and that Claudia was moving to Virginia within a 15 minute period on January 26, 2015.  That was a very rough start to what would end up being one of the hardest years of my life so far.  We grieved our adoption falling through.  I still grieve it as we are coming up on the one year mark.  I think about what our little guy might be doing and pray that he and his birthmother are doing well.  We grieved Claudia moving to Virginia.  We have a new normal now.  It's not what we would choose, but it's our reality.  We experienced some huge financial difficulties because of the adoption falling through and Claudia moving to Virginia.  But we move forward.

With this new year, I am looking forward to new beginnings.  I am excited to see what 2016 holds for us, and I am hopeful that it will be an amazing year for our family. 

Last night, we met with a Miracle Hill representative and are beginning our journey to become licensed foster parents.  We plan to foster children under 3, preferably siblings.  We hope one day that there will be some kiddos in our home that need a forever family.  That is our plan right now.  It is both scary and exciting for me as we move forward.  There is a lot to get done in order to be able to submit our paperwork and wait approximately two months for our license to be approved.  So we are just beginning.  There is so much hope for me in this new beginning. 

January 1, 2015, I began my first full year as a loan officer at Hanover Mortgage.  It was a good first year for me.  I am thankful for my job, for the wonderful people I work with, for a great boss, and for the beginning of my second full year as a loan officer.  I have goals that I look forward to meeting this year.  In March 2015, Joey ended up going out on his own.  He is now self-employed!  He unexpectedly partnered with a friend last April and started a remodeling business.  It is going well, and I am excited to see where 2016 takes them in this new business. 

It's amazing how a new year can bring new hope, but it has for me.  Thank you to those who have prayed for us, been there for us, and loved us well through 2015.  We appreciate it so much!  I am so thankful for family and friends who stand beside us in both the good and bad times.  We could not do it without you. 

With much love,

Jen

Our plan as we move forward...

I've been dreading writing this post because it is really hard to do.  I still feel such sadness over our adoption falling through in January, and I think about what our little guy might be doing right now, how old he is, what stage of development he is in...I'm still grieving not getting to bring him home. 

Our home study expires this week, and after discussing it a lot, looking at our options, looking at the events of 2015 so far in our lives, and looking at what the rest of 2015 might be like, Joey and I have decided to not update our home study at this time.  It has been a really rough year for us so far, and we are still dealing with a difficult situation that changed some of our plans for this year, including updating our home study. 

So our plan as we move forward, since we both still really have a desire to adopt, is to wait until Gus is a little bit older and try to adopt through becoming foster parents.  We still want to adopt two children so if we could adopt siblings at one time, that would be wonderful.  If we need to adopt at different times, then we will do that, too.  I trust that if it's God's plan for us to adopt like we desire to do, then it will work out in His timing.  Right now, we don't think it's the right time.  Hopefully next year we can start the process to become licensed foster care parents.  I waited a long time for my amazing husband so I am hopeful that this time of waiting will only make adopting in the future that much more wonderful when it does happen.    

We would appreciate your continued prayers.  This decision has not been an easy one, and I feel very heartbroken about it, but Joey and I both think it's the right decision for right now.  

Once we begin the foster care licensing process, we will let you know so that you can be praying.  From talking with others who have been through it, there is a lot that goes into the process so it will take some time.  Our prayer is that once we are licensed and begin getting placements, God will bring children into our home that need a forever family.  Thank you to everyone who supported us through our adoption process last year and who continue to understand our grief over not getting to bring Baby Goldsmith home in January.  We are thankful for our friends and family who have been there with us through both the excitement and the sadness. 

Where We Are...

It's been a long time since I updated our blog.  To be honest, it's been a difficult last two months.  It's hard to even know what to write.  Finding out on January 26th that our little boy's birth mom had delivered him and had decided to keep him was not the beginning to 2015 that we had hoped for, planned for, nor anticipated.  The same morning that we found out  that we would not be bringing our little boy home, we also found out that Claudia would be moving to Virginia in March.  It felt like we lost two kids at the same time.  We trust that God has a plan in all of this and that the hurt will not be for nothing. 

We are continuing in our adoption journey and are currently waiting to be matched again.  The waiting is really difficult, and it seems to get harder for me the longer we wait.  I long for Gus to have a little brother or sister.  Actually, we hope that he will have both eventually. 

We hope that before 2015 is over, we will have another member to the Goldsmith family.  We hope to go from a family of 4 to a family of 5.  We just have to wait and see.  Once we are matched again, we will need to fundraise again because we lost a good portion of what we raised with the adoption falling through.  It's discouraging to say the least, but we both still desire so much to adopt so we are not ready to give up.

We would appreciate your prayers as we move forward.  I desire to be content where God has us, but that is oftentimes a struggle for me right now.  There are things to celebrate...the time that we do have with Claudia, our sweet Gus, Joey and I getting through tough times together, wonderful family and friends, a church that reminds us that Jesus has us.  

As I said when I started this update, it's hard to know what to write.  Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive to us during this difficult time.  We appreciate it so much!  Amidst the sorrow and grief, our friends and family have been such an encouragement to us.  So thank you! 

 

While We Wait...

It has been a while since we updated everyone on our adoption journey.  We are in the home stretch!  We have raised the money needed for our adoption thanks to many of you as well as some wonderful organizations that support adoption and award grants.  We are thankful the fundraising is complete.  Now we are waiting to get that call (in our case it will be a text message) saying it is time.  Joey and I will drop everything and head towards the hospital.

I have a bag packed and ready along with all of the things that I can think of that we might need for our travel back to Greenville with our little guy.  He is due January 23rd, and we can't wait to meet him! 

Please pray for our family as we wait.  The waiting is hard, and I think it will only get harder once we get the text from our little guy's birth mom saying that it is time.  I can only imagine that our time at the hospital will be a mixture of excitement, fear, nervousness, and exhaustion.  . 

This has been a surreal experience so far.  Overall, the adoption process for us has gone very smoothly.  I pray that it continues that way.  Sadly, we have had to let some relationships go as a result of our choosing this path, and that has been very difficult for us.  We are grieving those relationships but rejoicing in gaining a sweet little boy soon.  I can't wait to hold him for the first time!

We are SO thankful for the tremendous amount of support and encouragement we have received and continue to receive during this journey.  We look forward to introducing our little guy to you soon.  :)

Great Weekend Away :)

We had a wonderful weekend!  We took a trip in state to meet our baby's birth mom, and it was a fun time.  Claudia, Gus, Joey, and I enjoyed our time together so much.  Joey's mom went with us, as well, and it was so good to have her with us.  We had an enjoyable time playing in the sand and water on the beach on Saturday afternoon and a fun filled Saturday night at Medieval Times.  Going to Medieval Times was a first for all of us, and it did not disappoint. 

Joey and I had breakfast with our baby's birth mom this morning, and it went really well.  We are thankful to have had the opportunity to meet her in person and get to know her better.  She is an amazing person, and I admire her so much.  We look forward to continuing to get to know her.  I feel so honored that she chose Joey and me to raise her little boy.  We are so excited to meet him in two months!  Please pray for all involved as the time for our sweet boy's arrival draws closer.

Below are some photos from our weekend.  It was an encouraging weekend, and we are so thankful for the time away with family.  :)



We continue to fundraise for our final adoption expenses.  We have $1,500 left to raise so we are very close.  Thank you to everyone who has helped us get to this point.  It means so much! We are looking forward to introducing the newest member of our family to you when he arrives.  We appreciate your continued prayers for our little boy, for his birth mom, and for us. 

So close!

We are only about $2,000 away from raising the funds we need for our adoption! We need to have all of our adoption funds in by mid-December so that we can make our last payment to our agency.  It will be a huge relief to reach our goal and focus on our final preparations for our little boy's arrival in late January.

If you are interested in giving towards our remaining adoption costs, there are several ways for you to do so:

1. T-shirt fundraiser--Our t-shirts are $20 each, and we receive 50%.  This is a great way to donate because you get a "souvenir."  :)   We have a link on this blog that will give instructions on how to purchase a T-shirt.  The last day to order a T-shirt is November 30th. We will receive the T-shirts the first week of December and get them to everyone who orders one. 
2. Lifesong for Orphans--If you would like to donate and receive a tax deduction for your donation, then you can go to the Lifesong for Orphans website or send a check to them with our account information on it (Goldsmith #4762). We get 100% of what is donated through this organization, which is wonderful! Normally an organization will take a percentage for administrative costs. We have a link on this blog that will give instructions on how to donate through Lifesong for Orphans.

3. Give directly to us--If you would like to donate directly to us, you can make a check out to Joey or Jennifer Goldsmith. 

We will let everyone know when we have reached our fundraising goal.  We recently got our puzzle framed from our puzzle piece fundraiser and will be hanging it in our den so that anyone who visits our home can see it.  It's really amazing to look at that puzzle and see so many people who have invested in our family through this adoption.  We look forward to sharing that with our little man and telling him about this journey that brought him to his forever family. 

We plan to travel this weekend to meet our baby's birthmother. Please be in prayer for us about this. We are excited and nervous at the same time! We hope that we make a good connection with her and that our relationship with her will continue to grow.

We will soon be a family of 5! This continues to be an amazing journey. Our adoption process has been interesting and we have learned a lot through it. We plan to adopt again in a couple of years, and we will be better prepared and know more of what to expect next time. There really haven't been a lot of surprises so far. It's just an interesting path to walk. We are thankful to have so many friends and family walking right beside us. We can't wait to introduce Baby Boy Goldsmith to each of you! (We do have a name for our little guy, but we aren't sharing it until we know for sure that we are getting to bring him home with us.)

Thanks again for loving our family, encouraging us, and supporting us!  We appreciate it more than we can say!

3 Months and Counting Down...

We are waiting excitedly, preparing for, and looking forward to meeting our little boy in late January.  We plan to make a trip in November to meet our baby's birth mother.  Please pray for a good time of getting to know each other and of bonding.  

We found out we were matched with our little boy on September 29th.  Less than a month later, we are only $3,200 away from our fundraising goal of $20,000!  We have two grants coming in that total $11,000, we already had $4,000 from fundraising and our own funds, and over the last few weeks we have had friends and family donate $1,800.  So we are almost there, and we are so grateful for everyone who has gotten us to this point!  Our goal is to have the rest of the funds raised and turned into our adoption agency by December 1st, before the Christmas holidays hit and everything gets busy. 

We have several ways to give if you would like to contribute towards bringing home our little guy:

1. T-shirt fundraiser--Our t-shirts are $20 each, and we receive 50%. The Graphic Cow has been wonderful about helping us with this fundraiser. We are thankful for businesses like theirs who support adoption and assist couples in raising money to adopt. We have a link on this blog that will give instructions on how to purchase a T-shirt. The end date for this fundraiser is November 30th. We will receive the T-shirts the first week of December and get them to everyone who orders one. 
 
2. Lifesong for Orphans--If you would like to donate and receive a tax deduction for your donation, then you can go to the Lifesong for Orphans website or send a check to them with our account information on it (Goldsmith #4762). We get 100% of what is donated through this organization, which is wonderful! Normally an organization will take a percentage for administrative costs. We have a link on this blog that will give instructions on how to donate through Lifesong for Orphans.

3. Give directly to us--If you would like to donate directly to us, you can make a check out to Joey or Jennifer Goldsmith.

We will continue adding puzzle pieces to our adoption puzzle until all of the pieces have names on them.  We don't have too many left.  For every $10 donated, your name goes on a puzzle piece.  When it's completed, we will have it framed between two pieces of glass and hang it in our little guy's room.  It will be a wonderful way for him to see how many people helped to bring him home to us. :) 

If you have any questions about our adoption, please don't hesitate to ask.  We are careful with what we are sharing out of respect for our little boy's birth mother, but we will be glad to talk with you about the process, fundraising, or whatever else you might want to talk about. 

Please pray for us as we move forward these next few months.  We have had a great experience overall through this adoption process, but we have had one difficult situation that continues to sadden us and break our hearts.  We have one family member who opposes our adoption.  We pray that this person's heart will change, but as of today, we see only a hardened heart.  Please pray for God to soften this person's heart and show this person the beauty of adoption and how it portrays our adoption into God's family through Jesus Christ.  Please pray for us to be gracious and loving. 

Thank you again for your support through praying and giving.  It is an exciting time!  We will continue to keep everyone posted over the next few months. 

Adoption Puzzle

 

 

Above is a photo of what our adoption puzzle looks like as of today.  Thank you to those who have recently donated.  You now have puzzle pieces with your names on them.  It has been fun to see our puzzle take shape over the last 6 months.  We will share a photo of the finished product when it is complete.